The kicker was that while we were gone, I went into a relapse with my MS. I had brought my Wahls Protocol book with me to brush up on extra reading. As I poured through the pages to find out what in the world had gone wrong I was able to trace the demise of my progress. Honey. Chocolate. Paleo Treats. I had become cocky and careless.
No, I didn't falter once with grains, dairy, legumes, or cane sugar, but here and there I had regular chicken, eggs, and even grain-fed beef. But mostly, it was that drive for something sweet deep inside, a satisfaction I know should come from Christ and not what goes into my mouth.
I had begun to feel as if I might actually BE in remission and the MS would be gone for good. I underwent two days of water fasting at the cabin, then when I came home, two and a half more days which I stopped to begin a round of steroid treatments.
This time it hit me most acutely in my hands--yep the hands I use to write, to bead, to cook, to hold things. I don't have the words to describe how unbelievably frustrating this has been. Yes, I have terrific pressure around my midsection with the MS hug, causing me to gasp for breath at times, but oh, my hands. I am typing with my index fingers--hunting and pecking. My hands feel frozen, stiffer than molasses on a wintry day, and rough as corn husks. They feel swollen, as if water logged, yet my rings are loose. I can walk. I am stretching. I can even hold a plank and do pushups, and use a mouse, but I long for the return of my nimble fingers. It's challenging to even hold my cell phone.
I am making peace with God and my hands. I pray the steroids and the extreme diet restrictions will reduce inflammation, but I have to be at peace with the potential loss of their use. They are His hands. I am not my own; I have been bought with a price.
Proverbs 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Having said all that....before my hands went kaput, I did bead around 10 charming new necklaces. Look for some new features in the days to come! I do have quite an inventory of finished work, so please think of Magpie when you need a gift or just a personal pick-me-up!
God is faithful and just.